Life Update

Hi my loves!

Wow I can't believe It's been 6 months since I wrote my last blog post. So much has changed and I made a beautiful YouTube video where I talked about my 2018 thus far. But YT was hatin’ and wouldn’t upload the video. So, I have to muster up the emotional strength to record it all over again. But I hope this will suffice (for now). The video is coming though.

January 1st I had a goal and a plan - get MY HEALTH(Y) BACK. I started hitting the gym again and I was eating better (eating less pizza ha ha) Life is constantly changing and if you don’t learn to ride the waves as they come in, your ass will drown. Let's just say I wasn't prepared for this huge wave that came crashing in. The third week of January I was in a car accident and life just ain’t been the same since. I thought I was good. Maybe because I have that super woman mentality and forget that I am in fact, human. I walked away from the crash saying “I’m fine” and telling myself that a couple of scrapes and bruises can’t stop me. Man was I wrong. Life after an accident, a car crash has been difficult. As much as I try to pretend like everything is the same, it just isn’t.

The first half of 2018 has been an emotional whirlwind. The first couple of months after the crash I was depressed and didn't even know it. One day while I was walking home from work, the sun was shining down on me (it was a beautiful day and the sun normally gives me life) and I looked up and felt this sadness overcome me, and then it hit me - that sadness had been there for weeks. My body was wasn't working the way I was used to, the aches and pains wouldn't go away and then one day I woke up and could't walk. By far the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life. Even scarier than the actual crash itself.

Ain't no pity party over here though! None of that 'woe is me" BS. Because if there is one thing about me that is that I truly believe everything and I mean everything happens for a reason. Everything teaches us and grows us in different ways. But if you are too busy feeling bad for yourself you will miss out on all the wonderful lessons. I don’t post without a purpose. When I share my stories it’s because there was a lesson that I have to share. So there is definitely a point to me sharing this part of my journey.

Things this accident has taught me

It has taken this crash, these past 5 months to finally and fully understand a few things:

STOP putting shit off! The day of, I had put off the gym (not major) and some errands and told myself 'tomorrow'. Tomorrow isn't promised and actually it doesn't even exist. Right now is all we have.
It is okay NOT to be okay. We live in a society where everyone is strong, no one has problems and life is this perfect world filled with sunshine and butterflies. Ha! Yeah right! Perfection only lives in the world of social media. This mama lives in the real world. Life will happen and know that "I'm fine" does not have to be your response. You are entitled to FEEL. Your are allowed to cry, to grieve, to hurt, to scream. None of this makes you weak, it makes you a fucking person. There is actually so much strength in admitting that you are not at your best and you need a damn hug.
Embracing your emotions is necessary. Positive vibes is the goal but negative vibes exist. Life is all about balancing the good and the bad. You are not a robot who was programmed to only spit out happy quotes. You are a beautiful being that will feel and sometimes you may feel all things at once. Instead of running from them, sit with them for a bit, embrace them and process them. When and only when YOU are ready, release them.
Self-care is essential and lawd was I in need of some. Self care is how I think I remain sane. Self-care is such a personal thing - it feels and looks differently for everyone. Self care for me, sometimes, is not doing anything. It’s sitting in silence. It’s laying in bed watching reruns of the Golden Girls episodes that I have already seen 50-11 times. Self care for me is not responding to a text message or answering a toxic persons phone call (that should actually be something I always do) Self care is not going to that event I was invited to because the people there will drain my energy. It’s being self aware of what is good for my spirit but also whats not good for my mental health. I no longer participate in things that don’t feed by soul organic, non gmo soul food. You can keep that over processed bullshit away, far away.
Be grateful. Like really be grateful. I appreciate everything so much more. My walks take a little longer (not by choice) but instead of complaining I enjoy and take in every single moment. Gratefulness is the reason why I am happy and smile so much more now. I believe these newly found 'laugh lines' on my face are a result of all the cheesin I do.

I know that I am not the first, the only or the last person to be in a car accident or to have some life event throw them of course. So I share this to say, SHIT HAPPENS. But allow that shit to fertilize your growth.

Love you all!