Thankful for Depression
Mannnn listen, social media will have you all screwed up. It’ll have you thinking that everyone has their shit together. That everyone lives in a perfect little world where no one struggles. It makes everyone seem happy ALL the time. That everyone’s relationship is this perfect fairy-tale. Social media will have you believing something is wrong with you because your life aint nothing like everyone else. Well, not my ass. I aint perfect and neither is my life. My life is filled with ups and downs. I struggle every day. I struggle with my love, money, emotions and just life overall. I live anything but a fairy-tale. If you’ve read my E-Book or have followed me on Instagram, then you know my 20 year battle with depression. I am not currently depressed and for the most part I have learned to cope with it much better but I still have "low" days.
As I sit at my desk at work I can’t help but to feel a little down, just a little. I know, it’s Thanksgiving and I should be happy, I should thankful for all that I have. And I am. I'm thankful for so much. But I have feelings and I am still learning how to not allow my emotions to overpower me. The thing about depression is that you don’t always have a trigger. There isn't always a reason for feeling down in the dumps. Sometimes you just wake up and you’re like “today is gonna be a good day” but your mind has a different plan your mind is like” nah boo, not today” and as much as you try you just can’t seem to be happy. Shit, sometimes you can’t even get out of the bed. And as many times you try and refocus your mind on all the good things, the positive things in your life, you just can’t seem to smile.
Talking to people doesn’t always help. You don’t want to be bothered but you want your loved ones to check in on you. You think that no one will understand or that it’s pointless to talk about it because no one is able to fix your problems.
I get it, people who have never dealt with depression, just don’t get it. They never will. Sometimes people just remind you that life for others is worse and you should be happy for what you have. And yes, this is very true. However, it isn’t that easy. We know this, we know we are blessed with so much and shit could be so much worse than it is. But it isn’t always that easy to just be happy.
So, my point is that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to go through the motions and be in your feelings. But those days that you are okay and you're good, be extra thankful for those days. And the few people who get it, who get you, be thankful for them. The ones who don’t get it, eh, they don’t get. But be thankful for them too.
So, if you are feeling like me today, know that it's okay. Know that you aren't alone. Write what you’re feeling. Cry if you have to, just let it out. Send me an email if you nee someone to talk to.
Today I am using my depression to help me write (more post coming soon). Today I am thankful for my depression because it has allowed me to share my story and help at least one person cope with theirs. I am thankful for each and everyone one of you who have journeyed with me throughout the past few years!
Leave a comment with something you are thankful for today.
Love y’all lots!
xoxo