Confessions of an Addict

Whether it's sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, shopping or even food, yes food, we are all addicted to one thing or another.

But What exactly is an addiction?

Addictions usually begin when we are trying to fill a void or trying to cope with something. One common problem that we see when we try to deal with addictions, is where we give up one addiction successfully, only to find ourselves with another addiction. A perfect example is people who quit smoking cigarettes usually begin to overeat. This is usually because the void we were trying to fill with the first addiction, was never filled and if it's not one thing, it will be another. Believe it or not, sugar has the same effect on your brain that alcohol, drugs and smoking does.  

Over the years I have found myself struggling with many addictions from sex to drinking but the hardest addiction to overcome has been with food. My food addiction began around the age of 8 or 9. I speak about it more in my eBook 'Losing to Live'.  Food was easily accessible to me. I mean, all I had to do was open the fridge or go in the cabinets and pull out some Oreos with a big glass of milk or eat a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles cereal. Food filled the voids; the lack of love, the loneliness, the sadness, food was there when no one else was.  Food was comfort, I loved it but it damn sure did not love me back.

20 years later, I traded in the junk food for the gym.  If I was upset, frustrated, sad or just in a funk, I took it to the gym, bust a sweat and left those feelings there. The gym began my healthy addiction. It transformed me from the inside out. But lately, I have been turning to the fridge instead of the gym.

So here I am.  Since July I have gained 18 pounds which feels more like 60 pounds. I have been recycling the same 5 pounds; I lose them and then gain them right back. Every morning I wake up determined to get it right. By the end of the day I have managed to get a workout in and also eat enough food to feed a small village.  My clothes don't ft,  I live in leggings, I feel ugly (not because of my weight but because I haven't taken care of me).  

I'm over it! I am done with feeling like crap. I will not wait until Monday or the New Year to get my shit together. Two weeks ago I took a trip to South Beach. It was a huge wake up call. My swimsuits didn't fit the way I wanted to and my shorts didn't fit at all.  But I didn't beat myself up about it. Despite the fact that I was annoyed with body, I enjoyed my mini getaway. It was rejuvenating and exactly what I needed. I have taken the last few weeks to reevaluate myself and where I've gone wrong and I am ready to put down the fork.